By now, pretty much all of the 34.88 million people living in Canada know that the Nissan Micra is the cheapest (read: least expensive) car in the country. In case you missed it, the itty-bitty hatchback starts at $9,998. Sure, it’s not as cheap as the Tata Nano, but let’s call a spade a spade: the Micra is decidedly more solid.
So, what does $9,998 get you? Well, a 1.6-litre four-cylinder good for 109 horsepower is standard, which is paired to a five-speed manual. You also get 15-inch steel wheels with hubcaps, a four-speaker sound system, 60/40 split-folding rear seats and, err, variable intermittent windshield wipers. Cruise control? Air conditioning? Four-speed automatic transmission? All optional, although I could make do without the automatic.
But thanks to the glorious wonder that is depreciation, $9,998 can go a lot farther than an itty-bitty hatchback. Think big — beyond the lightly-used Dodge Avenger, Hyundai Tucson or Toyota Corolla on your local used car lot. Oh, sure, there’s always maintenance and repair costs, but let’s try and forget about those for a moment and take a look at six of the most ridiculous cars you can buy for less than $10,000.
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Let’s see you try and say no to this 1996 Alfa Romeo GTV in Montreal for $8,999.
Supplied, AutoTrader
Where is it? Montreal, Quebec.
What’s under the hood? A 2.0-litre turbocharged V6 engine rated at 200 horsepower and 200 lb.-ft. of torque, and paired to a six-speed manual transmission.
Why do you want it? Surely that must be a rhetorical question. Why wouldn’t you want an Alfa Romeo? Everyone talks about how the 4C marks the Italian automaker’s return to North America, but when the slinky sportscar hits the Great White North, it will do so with a price tag north of $60,000, and that’s considerably more than a Nissan Micra. This GTV is the perfect opportunity to show up 4C owners and graciously inform them you “had an Alfa Romeo before it was cool.”
Why don’t you want it? Surely that must also be a rhetorical question. While Alfa Romeos are built with equal parts passion, it’s pretty much common knowledge that they aren’t exacly the pinnacle of reliability.
Head or heart? Listen to your heart. I mean, come on. It’s an Alfa Romeo and it’s gorgeous. If you’re mechanically inclined, anytime a part malfunctions, look at it as a learning and bonding exercise.
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Wouldn’t you want an E24 BMW M6 for $10,000?
Supplied, AutoTrader
Where is it? Sherwood Park, Alberta
What’s under the hood? A 3.5-litre inline-six good for 256 horsepower and 243 lb.-ft. of torque. The listing says it also has it has a few modifications to the suspension, as well as a “Dinan chip.” Naturally, the inline-six is paired to a five-speed manual.
Why do you want it? Although BMW actively exported the first-generation 6 Series to North America, they’re quite rare, especially the M6. Some might argue it looks a touch more awkward than the boxy, shark-nosed BMWs of that era, but inside and out, this M6 is pristine and seems like a steal.
Why don’t you want it? You’ll have a difficult time turning down a classic BMW, especially one as rare as the first-generation M6. The mileage seems quite high, so you could probably forget about offloading at a Barrett-Jackson auction in 10 years for a pretty penny. But hey, there’s a reason why it’s called the “ultimate driving machine”, especially with 230,000 kilometres on the clock.
Head or heart? Like the Alfa, listen to your heart. You’ll look seriously classy driving around this M6 while wearing a pair of Wayfarers.
1999 Mercedes-Benz S-Class — $7,995
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If this Mercedes-Benz S-Class is actually an S600, this is the one you want.
Supplied, Kijiji
Where is it? Toronto, Ontario
What’s under the hood? This Mercedes S-Class is in something of a grey zone. The listing says it’s an S430, which back then, actually meant it had a 4.3-litre, 275-horsepower V8 under the hood. But there’s a catch, and it’s the badges on the trunk. This particular Benz says S600, which means it’s actually powered … wait for it … a 6.0-litre V12, rated at 389 horsepower.
Why do you want it? Again, a rhetorical question. We’re talking about a full-size, near-limousine luxury sedan here. It might not be the best driver’s car, but “imposing” is the best way to describe this W140-generation S-Class, what with its tinted windows, seemingly immaculate black paint and, best of all, the timeless AMG Monoblock wheels.
Why don’t you want it? You’ll likely need either a trust fund, Google shares or to sell a kidney to maintain an out-of-warranty German vehicle.
Head or heart? It depends on how it pans out should you choose to check out this S-Class in person. If it turns out to be an S420, then the badass quotient offered by this car isn’t worth the trade-off in ridiculously expensive maintenance. But if the pictures hold true and it’s actually an S600, well, the V12 is worth every forthcoming penny.
1985 Maserati Biturbo — $5,900
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Need something to drive while your Alfa Romeo GTV is in the shop? How about this Maserati Biturbo?
Supplied, AutoTrader
Where is it? Embruh, Ontario
What’s under the hood? A 2.5-litre turbocharged V6 engine. Depending on whether or not it has a catalytic converter installed, you’re looking at anywhere between 185 and 205 horsepower.
Why do you want it? Like many European cars from the 1980s, you come across as infinitely cooler behind the wheel of a Maserati than you would with a Nissan Micra. The Biturbo is no exception, and just look at that supple tan leather interior with wood accents. That’s class.
Why don’t you want it? There are a number of reasons, but the biggest one is the Biturbo’s reputation. Sure, it has curb appeal because of the trident on the front grille, but the Maserati Biturbo earned a spot in the BBC’s book Crap Cars and was named the worst car of 1984 by Time.
Head or heart? Listen to your head. The Maserati Biturbo is dimensionally similar to the E30 BMW 3 Series (and looks a little like it, too) — and E30s are far more common.
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Don’t you just want to pinch the Nissan Figaro’s imaginary cheeks?
Supplied, AutoTrader
Where is it? Vancouver, B.C.
What’s under the hood? A hamster. Just kidding. The Nissan Figaro is powered by a teeny-tiny 1.0-litre turbocharged four-cylinder engine, good for 75 horsepower and 78 lb.-ft. of torque.
Why do you want it? This is, by far, one of the most adorable cars on the road. Just look at it! You’d expect it to be something from the 1960s, but it’s actually a 1992 model-year vehicle imported from Japan. If you want to stand out from the sea of beige, silver and black on the road, you’ve found your car. Plus, it’s fairly modern inside — air conditioning, leather seats and a CD player are all standard.
Why don’t you want it? If it’s your only vehicle, you could do better. The Figaro doesn’t exactly seem capable in winter conditions, but you’ll probably store it anyway.
Head or heart? Listen to your heart. Don’t you want to be the hipster of the road? Besides, when you’re not driving, you’ll be pinching the Figaro’s cheeks because it’s incomprehensibly adorable. Take that, Micra.
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There was a time when Volkswagen used to do fun things, like stick eight-cylinder engines under the hood of a Passat.
Supplied, Kijiji
Where is it? Gatineau, Quebec
What’s under the hood? A 275-horsepower eight-cylinder engine with its cylinders arranged in a W. It’s basically half a Bugatti Veyron engine with a fraction of the horsepower.
Why do you want it? Volkswagen is still pretty cool these days, but there was a time where it did fun, borderline outrageous things. This is one of them, cramming a W8 under the hood of an otherwise boring midsize sedan, albeit on the premium side of the segment. If you’re really set on the W8 and want something more practical, Volkswagen even offered the engine in the Passat wagon.
Why don’t you want it? As novel and rare as the W8 engine is, it’s no more powerful than a V6. Plus, there’s that whole thing about older-model Volkswagens and borderline incessant issues with their electronics. You’ve probably heard about that.
Head or heart? Listen to your head. And your wallet. The maintenance costs aren’t worth it, but a Passat W8 wagon sure is tempting…
OK, so not all of these choices are wise. We’ll probably pick the Micra over most of these cars purely because maintenance costs would be insane, except for probably the BMW M6 and the Nissan Figaro. Those cars are totally worth it.
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