I love you but I hate driving with you.
Forget all the awkward conversations you do your best to avoid; this is the worst. It’s easy to bellow and bitch at “The Others”, those on the road putzing along in the passing lane, those who refuse to signal, and those who run red lights. But what do you do when the source of your teeth grinding is someone you love? What do you do when you know there is no hope of change, little possibility of rehabilitation?
There are several types of Bad Drivers We Love (BDWL). There is the one who has never been good, and never will be. An acquaintance of mine loves to get new cars. She buys expensive cars, and usually shows up in my driveway with her latest acquisition. I am glad she does this, because it’s nice to see what’s making her happy and because she usually throws me the keys and says, “Let’s go for a ride.”
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The only time this gets un-fun is when she doesn’t throw me the keys. She is a lovely person who has a great job that allows her to indulge her love of fine automobiles, but she is a horrendous driver. She drives much too fast most of the time and she is usually not looking at the road. Her offspring have asked me if I can intervene, but the sad fact is that bad drivers are pretty much like alcoholics: they have to admit they have a problem. The law may provide some bumper guards on the situation, but I’ve known more than one moneyed person who considers speeding tickets a cost of driving the way they like, and they just write cheques to fix the bumps and scrapes they incur.
It’s illegal to send or read text messages while driving a vehicle.
Handout, Fotolia
A woman I knew years ago was married to a maniac. Huge ego, huge truck, huge paycheque, huge sense of entitlement. Whereas my well-off friend didn’t think she was a bad driver, this guy revelled in being a road bully. He simply didn’t care. His wife wouldn’t let him drive with the kids in the car, and I couldn’t help but think that was a great solution for them, but what about the rest of us out there sharing the road with him?
I love my kids, but I put them in the BDWL category of “I know they will get better”. I’m sure it’s as much optics as anything, but I think people follow too closely. I think my kids do this more than anyone else. I have no problem barking at them, but I’m also aware negative reinforcement doesn’t work. They’re too old for me to say, “Hey, good work!” and give them an M&M like when they were potty training, but I wish there was something comparable. Experience makes them better every day, and I’m quite sure I’m overreacting, a parental hazard. They will outgrow my judgmental categorizing.
Also read: Is gender really a factor behind the wheel?
A tougher BDWL? The people who have the opposite problem. They’ve always been good, safe drivers, but now they’re less so. Sometimes it’s an inability to adjust to new technology and more crowded roads. Sometimes it’s the belief that no tickets = no problems. Sometimes it’s someone who is totally clueless about what is taking place all around them, and the impact on their driving environment. This might be an aging parent, and this is one helluva hard conversation.
If people resolve to be more courteous on the roads, we can all help reduce road rage like this.
Stock image, Fotolia
“I don’t know why people are always honking so much,” said one Bad Driver I Love several years ago. I grimaced inwardly, knowing he was inciting the wrath of all around him because he’d taken the passing lane to pass a slower car – the right move – and stayed there. For ages. Wrong move. He was observing the speed limit, but there is the speed limit on the sign and there is the speed limit on the road. Even cops hate to get into that discussion, the flow of traffic rule. Unable to be a shrinking violet this late in my life, I suggested he might want to get over. He did so immediately, but the next time we drove, he was back to his own habits. Here’s a hint: if you get honked at a lot, you’re doing something wrong. A lot of somethings.
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Dealing with these situations is child’s play compared to the big one: The Bad Driver You Love That You’re Married To. Because I’m allergic to matrimony, I can make this a deal breaker. But I grew up in a family where my parents both drove and my father made my mother nuts. He treated driving like some kind of combat, and it was years before I learned that when people go to pass you, you aren’t supposed to speed up as if some gauntlet has been thrown down.
I believe you should pay close attention to the driving habits of someone you’re about to marry. Much is revealed here, and little will ever change. If you think she’s timid and she thinks she’s careful, your exasperation will indeed turn her careful into timid. Timid is not good. If he thinks he’s confident and you think he’s aggressive, raising the point will only make him more aggressive to prove his competence.
I’ve said before that telling someone they’re a terrible driver is like telling them they’re terrible in bed: you’re not going to say it to someone you care about, though it’s knowledge they could use. The worst thing about Bad Drivers We Love is that they are blissfully unaware they are bad.
Which I suppose means I might be someone’s Bad Driver.
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